I find myself in the middle of September 2020, aching to hug my mom; yet thankful that she is safe.
Mary, my beautiful mom
My mom, Mary, moved into The Heritage at Fox Run last year. It was a great move for her. At Fox Run she knows that she is safe and free to be herself. She no longer feels the need to hide the fact that Alzheimer’s disease has stolen her ability drive, manage her own medications, or even cook a simple meal for herself. Not able to cook a simple meal. Wow, that must have really hit her hard. The widow of a policeman and mother of six kids, avid gardener and coupon master, mom had always been ready with a home cooked meal. Not to mention homemade bread and cinnamon rolls! Food was always ready and abundant for our family, and for anyone else who showed up at mealtime. We ate dinner as a family every night, and we often had friends join us at the table. Along the back of the table was a bench (as opposed to chairs); with a bench there was always room for at least a couple more! I still don’t know how mom always had enough food on the table even though she never knew how many extra people might show up.
Living at Fox Run, my mom is safely cared for by people who tirelessly fix her meals, do her laundry, clean her apartment, dispense her meds and provide entertaining activities.
Crafts with friends 
Exercise cleverly disguised as fun
Parking lot rides 
Manicures by Molly
My husband and I would take mom out to lunch every Saturday, then I would wash and style her hair. Every week she talked about how she loves to have her hair combed and how it always reminds her of how her dad would pay her a nickel to comb his hair when she was a child. That tickled me because her dad was all but bald by the time I knew him. My brother-in-law, Jay, would pick mom up on Saturday evenings, take her to Mass and then out to dinner. Other friends and family also visited often.
Enter the Covid 19 worldwide pandemic. On March 13, 2020, President Trump declared a national emergency. On March 18, the State of Iowa recommended that assisted living facilities restrict all visitors, except in very rare circumstances. Additionally, facilities were to curtail communal dining and group activities. Fox Run put forth a heroic effort to keep all residents safe. Unfortunately, this required restricting residents to their own two-room apartments when there were active cases of Covid in the facility.
I knew that the social isolation would be hard on mom, and hard on me. Two things I didn’t know: that this pandemic would still be keeping us apart six months later (with no end in sight), and that the social isolation would have such a profound effect on mom’s physical health. I really wish that I would have noticed her physical decline. Six months ago she was practically skipping down the hallway; now she walks slowly, stooped over, with a walker.
Following a day or two of feeling sorry for myself for not having foreseen mom’s physical decline, I decided it best to make a plan and move forward. (As if there were another option.) Knowing that Fox Run was taking care of my mom’s practical needs, my new plan was to be more involved in my mom’s spiritual, emotional, and physical exercise needs.
Step One: Prayer. My mom is Catholic, and I know that she says her prayers every morning and every night. However, having not attended Mass for six months, I figured that she was missing praying with others, so I started calling her every night to say her prayers with her. We say the Catholic prayers known as the Our Father and the Hail Mary together, exchange I love you’s, and say good night. It’s sweet. Last night she told me that she sleeps so much better after we say our prayers together.
Step Two: Emotional stimulation. In addition to the daily video calls that I have been making all along, I started writing to mom once a week. She often forgets when people call her, but if she physically has the letters, then she will be constantly reminded that her family loves her.
I also asked all of my family members to call, video call and/or write to mom. My husband and I helped our preschool grandsons make almost 20 cards like these. I mail one to mom every week.
When I visit my grandsons, we video call mom together and they sing and dance for her. When they sing, “Hello Mary Lou”, mom even sings along with them. It’s so fun!
Step Three: Physical stimulation. The times that residents were quarantined to their two-room apartments pretty much curtailed mom’s physical activity altogether. Unfortunately, I was slow to figure this out. But after speaking with my daughter Becky, an Occupational Therapist, she designed an exercise routine that I can do with mom every day via video call. The routine is designed to maintain range of motion and help her regain strength in her arms and legs to facilitate walking. We do these exercises together every day now. It only takes about 10 to 15 minutes, and we enjoy it.
No one knows how long this pandemic will plague us, keeping us “socially distanced” from our loved ones. However, teaming with Fox Run to ensure that all of mom’s needs are met, I believe that I will be hugging my mom, washing and fixing her hair, as well as taking her to her favorite restaurants before long. In the meantime, I’ll follow through with my new-found plan, and hug my grandchildren!
Everyone needs a little help in these difficult times. Who can you reach out to today?